Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Enjoy the penises
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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