I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
