And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
