Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
