none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
