I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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