she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
