During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
