yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
