just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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