I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
