The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
