my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
