Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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