If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
