I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
