Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
