I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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