i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
