Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
