i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
