What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
