he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
