i permit you to call me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
