At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
