I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
