then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
