I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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