Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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