I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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