I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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