please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
