Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
