GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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