Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
