I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
