my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
