I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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