# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
These tits shall not be calmed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize