The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
