Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
