I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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