I bet he comes in French.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
