Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
