she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
