I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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