I faked an abortion last night.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
