but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
