So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
