he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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