Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize