come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
