You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
