You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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