Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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