Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
