Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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