i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
