i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
