Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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