Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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