My friends, they love my intelligence
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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