He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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