Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
