Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
