i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
