I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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