If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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