just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
