I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize