wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
