No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
