i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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