I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The power of my boobs compel you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize