when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
