i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
