I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
