the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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