Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
