I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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