You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
