did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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